How to Stay Sober When Your Partner Drinks.

So you decided to ditch the booze but your significant other has not. An array of emotions and thoughts may be coming up like, how can they just have one or two? Why doesn't alcohol affect them, I am jealous they can drink "normally", I feel left out, Im scared our relationship will change, etc. 

These feelings are completely natural. For most couples drinking was your favorite pastime and a way you bonded. Change, even if it is for the better is always scary. Here are some tips on how to stay sober when your partner drinks. 

Commit

Commit to your choice to change.  Chances are you have probably tried to go booze free a couple times now. I know for me it took a good 10 years to commit to my decision to go booze free. In that 10 years I was pretty much the girl that cried wolf when it came to ditching booze. If you want to be taken seriously by your loved ones and yourself, make a commitment to ditch the bottle. You may slip up and that happens, but be committed to the goal. Commitment and dedication is sexy. Don't believe me? ask your significant other. 

State Your Needs

First and foremost, you need to get clear and honest about what you need for your sobriety to be successful. Communication with your spouse is extremely important during this time. Make sure you ask for the things you need. For instance, if watching them drink is difficult, ask that your partner drink from an opaque cup or glass. Also explain that you do not mind if he or she drinks, but that you do not want to be around someone who is drunk. Your spouse doesn’t have to quit drinking for you to be sober, but they should be supportive of your needs on your road to sobriety. 

Expectations 

Just as you do not want your spouse trying to convince you to have a drink, your spouse doesn’t want you to convince him or her to stop. You can’t force someone to change if they aren’t ready. This will only lead to fights, resentment, and a strained relationship. If you choose to stay with your partner and accept their choice to drink, it is unrealistic to expect him or her to just up and change their mind. You can't change people. 

Everyone evolves and changes at different speeds. After seeing the positive change in your life from becoming sober, your spouse may or may not, decide sobriety is the right decision for them as well.

Socializing 

Set clear boundaries for yourself without feeling guilty. It is okay to decline social invitations that involve drinking if you aren’t comfortable. If you choose to go to go out, have a back up plan if becomes too much. Bring non-alcoholic beverages that you enjoy, find your new favorite here. Set boundaries with your spouse as well. If the two of you are going out together, communicate and come up with a game plan with them. 

If chances are good that he or she will want to hang out longer than you, either drive separately or arrange for your spouse to Uber back home if they have been drinking. Whatever the situation, plan accordingly so that you are not stuck in an uncomfortable situation that could potentially derail your progress.  

Reality Check

Being sober stands for "son of a bitch, everything is real." When you remove your booze goggles, you may see your relationship in a different light. Some key questions to ask yourself about your relationship are: do they support my growth, am I my best self around them. Remember all energy is contagious. Sometimes sobriety can bring light to issues that were always there but hidden by the vail of alcohol. You have the power to choose what works and what doesn't work for you. You deserve love and happiness

Ideally, when you decide to go booze free, you would hope your spouse or significant other would jump on board with you and the two of you would embark on the journey together. The reality is, this is seldom the case. 

That is why A Sober Girls Guide Group Coaching is so powerful. You are not alone. Group coaching is here to provide a safe space for true healing. It is a place to practice and put healthier habits into action with a community of love and support on your journey. Join now