How to Turn Down a Drink
When you are turning down a drink, you are standing up for your choice to be booze-free. In a society that is obsessed with drinking and the culture of getting wasted, turning down alcohol is a rebellious act. Going against the grain can feel uncomfortable, isolating, and scary.
Here are some elements to consider while navigating your journey and how to turn down a drink.
It's your choice
How you think about any decision to change can affect your success. Many people who decide to cut back or quit drinking think, "I am not allowed to drink," as if an external authority were imposing rules on them. Thoughts like this can breed resentment and make it easier to give in. It's important to challenge this kind of thinking by telling yourself that you are in charge, that you know how you want your life to be, and that you have decided to make a change.
Similarly, you may worry about how others will react or view you if you make a change. Again, challenge these thoughts by remembering that it's your life and your choice, and your decision should be respected.
Plan ahead
Even if you are committed to changing your drinking, "social pressure" to drink from friends or others can make it hard to cut back or quit. The goal is to build awareness that will help you change unhelpful thinking patterns and reactions.
Recognize two types of pressure
The first step is to become aware of the two different types of social pressure to drink alcohol—direct and indirect.
Direct social pressure is when someone offers you a drink or an opportunity to drink.
Indirect social pressure is when you feel tempted to drink just by being around others who are drinking—even if no one offers you a drink.
Take a moment to think about situations where you feel direct or indirect pressure to drink or to drink too much. Then, for each situation, choose some resistance strategies from below, or come up with your own.
Know your "No"
When you know alcohol will be served, it's important to have some resistance strategies lined up in advance. If you expect to be offered a drink, you'll need to be ready to deliver a convincing "no, thanks." Your goal is to be clear and firm, yet friendly and respectful. Avoid long explanations and vague excuses, as they tend to prolong the discussion and provide more of an opportunity to give in. Here are some other points to keep in mind:
Don't hesitate, it will give you the chance to think of reasons to go along
Look directly at the person and make eye contact
Keep your response short, clear, and simple
The person offering you a drink may not know you are trying to cut down or stop, and their level of insistence may vary. It's a good idea to plan a series of responses in case the person persists, from a simple refusal to a more assertive reply. Consider a sequence like this:
No, thank you.
No, thanks, I don't want to.
You know, I'm (cutting back/not drinking) now (to get healthier/to take care of myself/because my doctor said to). I'd really appreciate it if you'd help me out.
You can also try the "broken record" strategy. Each time the person makes a statement, you can simply repeat the same short, clear response. You might want to acknowledge some part of the person's points ("I hear you...") and then go back to your broken-record reply ("...but no, thanks"). And if words fail, you can walk away.
In addition to being prepared with your "no thanks," use these strategies:
Have non-alcoholic drinks in hand. Find your new favorite here
Ask for support from others to cope with temptation
Plan an escape if the temptation is overpowering
Changing your relationship with alcohol is always better with a group of like-minded women. Join A Sober Girls Guide Group Coaching to gain the skills and tools you need to change your relationship with alcohol and take back your life. Weekly homework to complete, exercises to use daily, and accountability. When these elements come together you will be living booze-free in no time. You will be too busy with a life you love, that you will never have to self-medicate again! Sign up here.