A Sober Girls Guide to Wedding SZN
Wedding season, otherwise known as the most stressful yet joyous event in a women’s life is upon us.
The months of planning, stressing, tasting, making decisions, putting down deposits, sucking and contorting your body into dresses you will probably never wear again, all of it is a lot. The leading cause of women’s drinking is due to stress. We don’t want that for you. We are here to give you a guide to navigating wedding season without getting to the point of reaching for the bottle.
Weddings are often notoriously alcohol-heavy events, with open bars and many toasts, and whether you're rethinking your relationship with drinking, or committing to a longer-term life without booze, that can feel difficult. From being a guest, to planning your wedding, to “but what do I toast with?” this guide will help you navigate it all booze free.
POV: YOU ARE A GUEST
Is it necessary: I have said it before but it needs to be repeated, your sobriety and you are sacred. Treat them accordingly. If sitting this out would better your mental health, progress with your relationship to alcohol and yourself, skip it. If the very thought of attending the wedding is giving you heart palpitations remember you don’t have to put on an act or be strong for the sake of someones wedding. It is one day and they will understand.
Check yo’self: This is most likely what you are in for, You sober surrounded by people drinking, in an environment that encourages alcohol consumption, most likely to the extreme because well, its what we do when we celebrate? Right? This is not going to be easy. You are going to have moments you feel uncomfortable, and that’s ok. People are going to be drunk and on another level. you find yourself getting anxious about it or feeling the FOMA (fear of missing alcohol) just know this is completely normal and to be expected.
Set an intention: You are a guest at someones wedding, what is your intention for this event? A few examples are: to celebrate this beautiful union with friends and loved ones, to have a great time, to show up and support a friend, to make your ex jealous. Whatever your intention is stick to it.
Carry reminders: Keep a reminder on you of your reasons for abstaining. Make a list of all your reasons for not drinking on the notes app on your phone ahead of time. Connect and reach out for support from your fellow sober girls in the private chat available through Sober Girl Social Club.
What to say: Make a script before the wedding so that you know what to say when somebody asks why you're not getting into the champagne. You can use a white lie, such as you need to abstain for medical reason. You can also be honest. And you can, of course, be creative and use some humour. Rehearsing this beforehand, whatever it is, can help you feel more natural in the moment.
Out of sight out of mind: Even if you're committing to attending an event where you know there will be a lot of drinking, says Dr. Fields, that doesn't mean you can't make it a bit easier on yourself. He suggests not standing near the bar for a long period of time, and staying away from heavy drinkers or only socializing with them briefly. "Engage in some conversation for 10-15 minutes, then tell them you want to catch up with some other guests but will be back. Take your time making it back to that group and then repeat," he says. This will reduce your triggers for drinking and make it easier to focus on your needs.
Cheers!: Have something you can toast with. Inquire with the bride if there will be NA alternatives, if not ask if you can bring your own. If you can’t bring your own, my go to NA bar drink is muddles lime and mint topped with soda water on the rocks. Its delish! If you can bring your own I suggest bringing Gruvi Prosecco for toasting purposes. It comes in 4 fantastic single serving bottles, so none is wasted as opposed to opening a full bottle. It tastes great and looks like the real stuff.
You can have fun: There's an unexpected advantage to being at a wedding when you're sober: It can be really fun and entertaining being around people who are drinking. People loosen up and laugh more, have hilarious conversations, hit the dance floor. You deserve to enjoy the party atmosphere and join in with games and activities. You are allowed to have fun, not just sober. You can definitely have a good time without the need of booze to get you there.
Mental prep: Put in the time beforehand to committing these plans to memory. Spend 10 minutes visualizing each moment from what you wear, to what you ask to drink, to declining the wine, to going home at a reasonable hour. This is creating a future memory and doing it will make it that much more natural when you're in the scene. Making it firm in your mind will help you keep to the plan when you get triggered.
Exit plan: We feel guilty putting ourselves first, but this a skill that everyone needs to start practicing more. Your true friends and loved ones want you to take good care of yourself. Work out what the most important elements are for you. For example you can attend the ceremony, and you can leave the reception early and reduce the pressure and stress on yourself.
Reward yourself: Have a treat waiting for you to celebrate making it through, because you made it, it was hard and you're awesome. Chocolate is my love language so having a fresh bar of dark chocolate to break open is always treat for me. Getting a deep tissue massage to work out all the tension is another great treat.
To get the POV of you are in the wedding party and the bride, join Sober Girls Social Club to get the rest of this guide and many more.